Tess called before Anna finished putting on her shoes.
“Can I see you?”
Anna sat back down.
“Yes.”
“I'm at Ruby's.”
“I can come.”
Tess gave the address. Anna wrote it on the back of an envelope because the phone was against her ear and she didn't want to make Tess wait while she worked out another way.
“What do you need?”
“I don't know.”
Anna looked at the shoes.
“I'll come.”
At the end of the call she remained seated for a moment. Tess had asked to see her. There was grief inside the invitation, something Anna didn't want Tess to have paid in order to make it. She felt the pleasure anyway, then hated herself for it.
Ruby lived above a hardware shop where Anna used to buy light bulbs before everybody started needing explanations of the sort they wanted. A separate door opened onto stairs. Anna climbed quickly, then slowed because arriving breathless would make Tess think she'd had to rescue someone else.
Ruby opened.
“She's in the kitchen.”
“Thank you.”
“It's small.”
“I've seen small.”
Ruby smiled and stepped aside.
The flat smelled of coffee and toast, with damp washing hung near an open window. Tess sat at the table holding a mug. Her bag was beside the chair, silver fabric showing at the zip.
Anna stood in the doorway.
“Hello.”
Tess looked up. Her face was swollen around the eyes. She had been crying enough to grow tired of explaining why.
Anna moved closer.
“Can I?”
Tess nodded.
She put her arms around her, awkwardly because Tess was seated. Tess held still at first, then leaned against Anna's stomach, one hand closing on the blouse at her side.
Anna looked over her head toward the window.
She could stay here forever. That was the first thought. Then Tess released the cloth and sat back, wiping her face.
Anna took the chair beside her.
Ruby placed a glass of water on the table.
“I've got a call. Shout if you want something.”
She left them.
“She told me,” Tess said.
Anna nodded.
“All of it?”
“Martin. The letter. That she knew. Before I stopped coming.”
Tess's eyes filled again. Anna wanted to say the years, make them visible, tell Tess what it had cost her. She looked at the wet face and found that knowing wasn't a request for another account.
“Yes.”
“You should have been home.”
Anna pressed her palm against her own thigh.
“I wanted to.”
“I know.”
Tess looked at the cup.
“I didn't know.”
“I know.”
The repetition could have become ridiculous if neither was so tired.
“Did you think she lied?” Tess asked.
“Not that way.”
“What way?”
“That she saw someone wrong. That she became sure because everybody told her to be sure. I didn't know she decided.”
Anna saw the shop again, Rachel seated in the chair where she normally held other people's fear.
“I know now.”
Tess swallowed.
“I love her.”
Anna looked at her.
“Rachel?”
“Yes. I still—”
Tess stopped, angry with herself.
Anna had prepared for a question about what kind of mother she'd have been if she came home. Instead she received the living weight of the woman who hadn't let her.
“You can,” she said.
Tess gave a short laugh.
“I don't need you saying I'm allowed.”
“No.”
“I mean I don't know where to put it.”
Anna looked down at the bag. The top was beautifully finished. Rachel had changed the part which hurt, and the garment remained changed.
“Me neither.”
Tess rubbed her hands around the cup.
“I can't go back there.”
“To work?”
“Or Granddad's. Not today.”
Anna's heart moved before she could restrain it.
“You could—”
She stopped. Tess looked up.
“What?”
“Come to my room.”
Tess's face closed a little.
“It's only a room,” Anna said quickly. “I mean for a while. We could find—”
“Mum.”
“I know. It's small. You don't have to.”
“I don't want another place where everything's about this.”
Anna sat still.
Ruby was talking beyond the doorway, a different voice, practical and brisk. Somewhere there was work which didn't concern a woman's lost years.
Tess said, “I need to rehearse. I need to keep going.”
“Yes.”
“I know that's selfish.”
“No.”
The word came out firmly enough that Tess looked at her.
“You haven't got to spend your whole day proving you know I'm hurt,” Anna said.
Tess looked down again. Anna wished the room had been large enough to walk somewhere after the sentence. She had offered another place too quickly and could still feel the offer waiting between them.
“You're not staying here forever,” she said, then heard how it sounded.
“Ruby knows that.”
“I meant—”
“I know. Everybody means something better.”
Anna laughed unhappily.
“They do.”
Tess smiled, briefly. They were tired enough to let a small humour into the room without asking what it meant.
Tess needed clothes and some music things from Leonard's. She had left early with only the bag Rachel last saw her carry.
“I don't want to go by myself,” she said.
“I'll come.”
“He might be there.”
“I know.”
“I don't want another argument.”
Anna nodded.
“I won't start one.”
She couldn't promise nobody else would. Tess accepted what she offered.
Ruby came back and listened to the plan. She had work after lunch, then wanted them at the rooms later if Jo could finish in time.
“This can be a place for a bit,” she told Tess. “Not a place for everybody to stop answering their phones because they're upset.”
“I know.”
“Good.”
Ruby gave her the spare key. The little gesture was more particular than any speech about support. Tess put it in her pocket.
They walked to Leonard's house.
At the gate, Tess went first. Anna waited behind until Tess opened the door with her own key.
Leonard stood in the kitchen.
“Tess.”
“I need my things.”
He looked at Anna, then back.
“I'm not keeping them.”
“I didn't say you were.”
Tess went upstairs. Anna stayed in the hall.
Leonard's face was grey. She had seen him tired after work, tired after Maggie's funeral, tired across a visits-room table where he began checking the time. This was different in a way she wasn't ready to receive kindly.
“Rachel rang. Then I went to the shop,” he said.
“She said she would tell you.”
“She told me.”
“Which part?”
He held the doorframe.
“All of it.”
Anna looked toward the stairs.
“I don't want to do this here.”
“Where?”
“Not while she's packing.”
He nodded. She could see the difficulty of accepting a time she set rather than one he chose.
“I believed her,” he said.
“Yes.”
Anna didn't make the answer easier.
Tess came down with another bag. Leonard stepped toward her, then stopped when she held it closer.
“You can stay.”
“Not now.”
“Tess.”
“I don't want to keep saying it.”
He looked at the bag.
“Do you need money?”
Tess shut her eyes briefly.
“I have my wages.”
“All right.”
“And my savings.”
“I know.”
“No. You don't have to know every bit.”
Anna watched Tess defend the small perimeter of a life she'd learned to manage herself. She could feel the same urge in Leonard which had been in her five minutes after Tess rang: offer enough and the child might remain.
He took a step back.
“Ring me if you need—”
“I will.”
Tess made it a finished sentence. She reached for the door.
Anna took the second bag when Tess offered. It held clothes, a pair of shoes, something hard at the bottom.
“What else?” Leonard asked.
“Nothing today.”
They went out.
The van stood by the house. Tess looked at it once, then away. Anna wanted to tell her he could lend it now, that the lie had been corrected and surely the whole thing could return to being a vehicle.
The bag in her hand had Tess's weight. She let Tess choose the walk.
At Ruby's they put things in the spare room. There was a bed, a chest and boxes of things Ruby hadn't found anywhere else to keep. The window looked over the backs of shops. Anna thought it wasn't better than her guesthouse room and then realized better wasn't the question.
Tess set a small tin beside the lamp.
“What is that?” Anna asked.
“Earplugs.”
“For playing?”
“For sleeping as well. Jo talks.”
“Does Ruby?”
“She makes coffee loudly.”
Anna smiled.
Tess looked at the time.
“You're working tonight.”
“Yes.”
“You don't have to stay.”
Anna folded one of the T-shirts from the bag.
“I don't have to leave yet.”
“I know.”
It was the same conversation in reverse. She put the shirt down and stepped away from the bed.
“What would help?”
Tess considered.
“Nothing. Just coming helped.”
Anna could feel herself wanting to make the word more durable. Coming could help again. A mother could find many useful things if Tess let her remain.
“Okay,” she said.
At the door Tess hugged her standing up. It was shorter than the first embrace and less desperate. Anna held her until Tess moved.
“I'll ring.”
“Yes.”
Anna went down the stairs with empty hands.
Outside she remembered something Tess left at Leonard's: the little photograph by the cooker, Tess laughing at a person beyond the frame. She could go back and ask for it, make Leonard give her one part before the rest of the day passed.
She wanted to do that.
Instead she went to the guesthouse and changed for work. Dee would need someone who could keep track of drinks, glasses and which customer wanted to pay.
For six hours she could be that person.
Tess had a key to another woman's room. Anna put her own key in the pocket of the black blouse and walked to the pub.