Adam came on Thursday morning without breakfast. Mary had eaten and washed up.
He kissed her cheek at the door, lightly enough that she could turn away. She didn't. Then she led him into the living room, where the hotel folder was on the table.
He looked at the shelves.
“You've done them.”
“June helped.”
“They look good.”
He sat down. Mary sat opposite him, and for a moment both of them watched the folder.
“I shouldn't have told you to cancel,” he said.
“No.”
“And I shouldn't have put marrying me against going to see her.”
Mary rubbed one thumb over the other. She had expected to have to draw that sentence out of him. Hearing it offered was better and more painful than she thought.
“You meant it at the time.”
“I wanted you to choose me. So I made that the choice.”
“You were already chosen.”
He looked at the ring on her hand.
“I know.”
She didn't tell him it was all right. He waited without asking her to.
Outside, someone was unloading a van. A box scraped along the pavement and a voice complained. Mary was aware of the morning going on around them, ordinary and full of people who weren't deciding whether to marry one another.
“I went,” she said.
“I know.”
“I'm not telling you every word.”
He nodded. “You don't have to.”
“Is there something you want to ask?”
“Lots.” He gave a brief, unhappy smile. “I don't need to ask it all.”
That was more believable than saying he wasn't curious. Mary was curious about things she had no right to demand herself. She could bear him wanting to know, if wanting didn't turn into a rule for her.
“I'm still angry,” she said.
“I thought you would be.”
She looked down at the folder. Tomorrow, the hold would end.
Adam reached for it, then stopped with his hand on the table rather than opening it.
“We don't have to pay,” he said. “We can let the twentieth go.”
“Would you want that?”
“No. I liked the room. I want to marry you.” He drew his hand back. “But I don't want you doing it because you're scared we'll lose each other if you wait.”
She had been scared of exactly that. On Sunday, he had helped make it true.
“We'd find another date?”
“If you wanted one.”
“And we'd still be engaged?”
“I'd like to be.”
Mary looked at him. She could choose the longer engagement she'd offered him at the proposal. She could put the folder away and learn more before turning this into a ceremony. He was offering the easy opening she had needed, and she didn't want to take it.
Not yet.
“I don't know what I'll decide,” she said.
“Okay.”
He remained sitting. He didn't turn the word into a cold silence. After a little while he asked whether she had work to do.
“This afternoon.”
“Would you like to go out before then?”
Mary hesitated. She didn't want another walk that stood in for an answer. But she also didn't want every minute with him to become a hearing about Sunday.
“There's a dress I'd like to try on.”
“For the wedding?”
“Maybe. I might like it anyway.”
“Then let's go.”
At the shop, he waited while she tried it. It was cream, with sleeves she could move in and a skirt that didn't need arranging each time she sat down. She came out of the changing room and turned once.
Adam smiled. “You look lovely.”
“Does it look too ordinary?”
“For getting married? Maybe a little.”
She looked down at it. She liked being able to stand as herself rather than pose as a bride.
“I think I want ordinary.”
“Then get it.”
She did, with her own money. The shop assistant folded it into a bag, and Mary carried it home. She hadn't booked the wedding by buying it. She didn't want to pretend she hadn't been thinking about wearing it there.
At the flat, she put the bag on the bed. Adam stood by the door, waiting for her to tell him whether to stay. She came back and touched his sleeve.
“Will you have lunch?”
“Yes.”
They ate what she had in the fridge. He wasn't quite as easy as he had been before the argument. Neither was she. But when she told him something Nina had said mattered to her, without repeating Nina's words, he listened and didn't begin working backwards to the rest of the conversation.
When he left for his own job, he kissed her properly. She kissed him back.
Afterwards she hung the dress inside her wardrobe. On the floor, the empty bag had sprung open. She folded it and put it away.